I regret taking so long to read this post. I know our situations are different, but there's so much here that I relate to. It feels selfish to write about myself here, but I'm going to anyway.
I recently noticed that I introduce myself to therapists by describing my mother's childhood, and I had been doing this because it seemed to be the easiest explanation for why I am the way I am. But when I describe myself as my mother, I lose my own identity. I spent the past year getting as close to my mother's trauma as I could, hoping that I would find some missing piece of the puzzle, like I would finally turn into a superhero, or my true self, once the puzzle came together. But it didn't work out like that. And my mother wants me to have my own life with my own meaning. So I'm out here at 33 years old (almost 34) trying to stand tall and define my own identity. It feels so insignificant some days, and then it feels overwhelmingly important other days.
I'm excited for the moment I stop focusing so hard on this identity/puzzle I've been working on since childhood, when I get to connect with others. I see you do this whenever you share art with all of us. I know it's not easy.
I'm sorry I haven't built a stronger friendship with you but am thankful for the connection we have and incredibly thankful for the things you share. Sending love. Looking forward to hearing more.
Oh wow! I really appreciate you taking the time to share all of this.
Identity...ooof. I think it's really interesting the effect the mother wound has on our identities and how long and arduous the road can be to peeling that back, layer by layer.
I always feel like seeking my identity is the most important thing, because who else do we have so completely if not ourselves? But there are days where the concept is just so nebulous and trying to figure out what is me versus what is trauma versus what is society can be so difficult that sometimes it feels frustratingly pointless.
I don't know what the answer is. I don't think there is one. I don't think we find a magical "true self" ever really, but I definitely find a lot in the seeking. Doing it publicly and honestly feels like a good next step for me, so I am glad that my attempt at sharing that experience had any sort of impact and I am so so touched to be able to hear about where you are on YOUR journey.
I regret taking so long to read this post. I know our situations are different, but there's so much here that I relate to. It feels selfish to write about myself here, but I'm going to anyway.
I recently noticed that I introduce myself to therapists by describing my mother's childhood, and I had been doing this because it seemed to be the easiest explanation for why I am the way I am. But when I describe myself as my mother, I lose my own identity. I spent the past year getting as close to my mother's trauma as I could, hoping that I would find some missing piece of the puzzle, like I would finally turn into a superhero, or my true self, once the puzzle came together. But it didn't work out like that. And my mother wants me to have my own life with my own meaning. So I'm out here at 33 years old (almost 34) trying to stand tall and define my own identity. It feels so insignificant some days, and then it feels overwhelmingly important other days.
I'm excited for the moment I stop focusing so hard on this identity/puzzle I've been working on since childhood, when I get to connect with others. I see you do this whenever you share art with all of us. I know it's not easy.
I'm sorry I haven't built a stronger friendship with you but am thankful for the connection we have and incredibly thankful for the things you share. Sending love. Looking forward to hearing more.
Ps I freaking love R.E.M.
Oh wow! I really appreciate you taking the time to share all of this.
Identity...ooof. I think it's really interesting the effect the mother wound has on our identities and how long and arduous the road can be to peeling that back, layer by layer.
I always feel like seeking my identity is the most important thing, because who else do we have so completely if not ourselves? But there are days where the concept is just so nebulous and trying to figure out what is me versus what is trauma versus what is society can be so difficult that sometimes it feels frustratingly pointless.
I don't know what the answer is. I don't think there is one. I don't think we find a magical "true self" ever really, but I definitely find a lot in the seeking. Doing it publicly and honestly feels like a good next step for me, so I am glad that my attempt at sharing that experience had any sort of impact and I am so so touched to be able to hear about where you are on YOUR journey.
<3 <3 <3 love love love